Collection of Letters: Normal People
A Letter to Marianne, April 1, 2025
I feel a connection with someone that I can never have with anyone else. But I want someone that I can’t have, and that is so frustrating. This person, I am afraid, is perfect in their imperfections and still takes my breath away. I had just gotten out of a relationship, and there they were. As quick as a bee is to pollinate a flower, quick to plant a seed of interest, and once grown, slow to leave my complicated heart.
You might be thinking, “Oh, you’re experiencing unrequited love.” But it wasn’t always like this. We did feel the same way. But now I look from afar. And I can’t help but wonder if they think about me, too. It is sad for me; I will never get an answer since this person is quite inexpressive.
Oh, Marianne, how did you deal with all these complicated feelings? You are aware of your lack of self-love. I can’t blame you, but I empathize with you; the people who are supposed to love you the most in the world only ever induced pain, doubt, and shame to someone as sensitive you. Your brother Alan only ever was useful in looks but thought to prove himself with his spiteful words. He wasn’t worth the family he was born into, nor such an incredibly strong woman like yourself who refuses to be complacent with such a black and white outlook on the world.
Your mother was quick to offer a glimpse of love and protection but swift to take it away upon a single look from your brother. She knows it, you know it–yet you somehow occupy different spaces of understanding. She would rather be estranged from you. I understand why you feel undeserving of any affection.
But can I trust you to teach me to reflect on all my questions when your feelings are very unreliable? Your solution to handling love is to run away to Switzerland, the farthest from Connell, your person, and close yourself off from the person who has told you “I love you” more times than your family. When the one person who can bring you back from your dark rabbit hole of negativity holds his arms wide open for you, why don’t you immediately run to him?
Why do you make him wait?
If that were my someone, I would take a chance. Let myself heal for them and with them if they let me. When Collin first told you that you were the one person in the world he could never be bored with and somehow God made you both exist in this same point in time, did you feel seen? I may be a stranger, but I see you.
With much love,
Me
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Dear sweet Collin, April 2, 2025
I was so wrong about you, and I am sorry. But Marianne saw past your popular, charismatic, panty-dropping guy front. Not many people can, yet you didn’t correct people’s assumptions. You just stared, observed, laughed at the right times, and kept to yourself. But your silence speaks volumes, and sudden glares at Marianne told us you did something shameful. No one felt more emotion than you did.
But how did you deal with being alone? Not physically, but being content with just yourself? You have the power to be friends with anyone you choose or to pull away and preserve yourself. Sure, people worry about you, but you still don’t let them in fully to help you heal. Unless it was the first person who truly saw you for who you were, someone you couldn’t control yourself with, someone like Marianne.
I am an only child, yet I’ve never felt this kind of alone. I still hang out with my friends, but it isn’t the same, if that makes sense. You know that feeling of experiencing something new and exciting, and when it's over, you don’t know how you lived without it? Or her? How did you continue living day by day knowing she was out in the world with someone who wasn’t you, someone unworthy?
You have had an emotional past couple of years, coping with Rob’s death, your friends’ abandonment, and a home where you don’t fit in. I promise I will keep it short since I’m sure you are doing great things at NYU with the writing program. Maybe you would tell me to keep writing in my journal, so I will keep writing, keep appreciating the things around me so that whatever left a hole in me will slowly close up as I remember and focus on it less.
I am happy for you and the voice you finally started listening to. Especially in a city where you feel smaller.
Sincerely,
Me
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Alan, April 1, 2025
I can’t believe I am asking you, of all people, for advice. Your eagerness to belittle people–even your own family–and still live with a cocky smile on your face has won you a seat at the rejects table. Marianne wasn’t even an adult when you first threatened her. Your mother is fearful of her own life because you trigger the trauma she endured from your father.
You aren’t to blame for everything, though, I will admit. Although I didn’t know your father, the relief and looser freedom your family feels says it all. You must have felt like you had to be the man of the house, excel in everything, and be a picture-perfect son. What was your relationship like with your father? Why are all your walls so high?
I am not sure where you are right now, but after Connell put you in your place, you were probably off working and proving yourself. You must know by now that Marianne wasn’t a threat to your masculinity, but you lost your chance at showing her how she could be treated well by men, like a big brother. Would you take back any of the hurtful words you spat at Marianne? Did she deserve your spite?
This letter might feel like an attack, but I hope you have realized that you can’t push everyone away forever. You don’t need to feel threatened by people who try so hard to love you. You aren’t your father. You aren’t going to be like him. You can live out your own life and forget about these impossible expectations you think you need to please everyone. Everyone can forgive. Can you?
Thanks,
Me
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Dear Lorraine, April 3, 2025
Thank you. Thank you for Connell. Granted, he had a rough start, but you raised an incredibly empathetic person. He just didn’t know it was a good attribute to have.
You remind me a lot of my mom: A single mom working for a family with its psychological hardships. But you aren’t put off; instead, you take a neglected daughter in. Marianne was lucky to have you in her life…you loved her as your own. You’re hardworking, like my own mom, whose own work ethic meant she often didn’t have a life outside of protecting mine. Moving out of state for college was the best decision I ever made because my mom could breathe more.
Collin saw you struggle and knew how much you gave up for him, but you showed up every step of the way. And when you weren’t the person he needed, you pointed him to someone he would feel seen with. Someone who understood sensitivity and overwhelming emotions and had the time for him to share their lives.
You even scolded him when he didn’t treat her the way he wanted to to save face with his friends. I see it now, my mom did predict my boyfriend at the time wasn’t my person, even though I desperately wanted him to be. I hope to have even a fraction of your patience, sacrifice, and optimism in the world. We make it harder on ourselves, but maybe we are being stubborn about the simple things and the right choices.
I wish you and your family all the best. And I hope to be a mother like you one day, to treat all as my own and not let judgment overcloud my ability to empathize.
With much love,
Me